like laffy-taffy

Someone once told me one of the most dangerous things you can pray is "stretch me", and of course, I prayed it...several times. Over the past two years, since I began asking God to stretch me, He has, like I'm a piece of laffy-taffy. Have you ever watched laffy-taffy being stretched. It gets so thin and you think it will break, but somehow it just keeps on stretching. There have been times over these last two years where I thought I would break. I felt so thin and fragile that I knew if one more thing pulled on me, I would fall apart. Even still, I am being stretched. I've come to somewhat recognize the process. I don't like it, but I know the stretching will not break me. I actually have sort of stopped praying for it too, but it's still happening. Sometimes I wonder why I ever prayed those words to begin with. I wanted to grow. I wanted God to push my limits. I wanted to be so shattered of myself that I had to completely count on Him. I'm learning to trust Him as He stretches me. I'm learning to have faith that the end result will be worth the pain and pulling and dying to myself. It will be worth giving up my own desires and plans. It will be worth the fear and frustration. The victory and the fruit will make all the battles worth it. So, even though it scares me and I hate it, I hope by the end of this coming year, I can say God has stretched me even more.

No car for six months

People back home often ask me what I miss about the States. Spaniards ask which I like more and also if I miss the States. As I was walking to our mall the other day I started thinking about things I loved about Spain and things I missed about the States and just the differences between the two. Even though things have been truly challenging here, there are wonderful parts to being in Spain. Valladolid has about 500,000 people crammed in a two-mile by five-mile space, so it definitely has a city feel. People walk and use public transportation often, and apartments are stacked one on top of the other;however, with the city feel comes a small-town feel. As we walk the 'paseo' or streets here we always run into people we know. We see familiar faces everywhere we go, which can be so comforting at times. I also love not having a car. Even though it would be nice on late rainy nights when the bus has stopped running and we have two kids and a 45 minute walk ahead, I reallly enjoy not having a car. I know Justin loves it because he doesn't have a car that needs fixed all the time. ;) Walking is obvisouly good for our health, but sometimes it can be so enjoyable to walk alone and clear my mind. The people here are 'genial' or great. Everyone we've met has been so kind and generous to us. There is also such a relaxed feeling in Valladolid, besides when an old person is behind you trying to get off the bus...look out! Seriously though, people take time to enjoy each other by stopping often at restaurants for coffee and conversation. The longer we are here, the more I like the food. At first, with the language obstacle, it was difficult to find food I liked. I didn't know what anything was, so I was always ordering 'hamberguesas'. As I have tried more things, I am finding plenty of foods I like...especially the Spanish Tortilla (it's more like a potato breakfast casserole). Since we're on the subject of food...besides people, that is what I miss most about the states. I loved the variety of food we had in Springfield...Korean, Indian, Mexican, American, Vietnamese, Italian...oh what I'd give for mushroom ravioli and a blackberry mint tea from Macaroni Grill. Also, in the States there are free refills, even free ice cold water doesn't exist in Spain. I hate paying three dollars for a small bottle of coke! I obviously miss my family and friends, and it is hard to find the words to express it. We definitly took for granted the like-mindedness and comfort of our friends in the States. We also miss inviting people in our home and going into others' homes. We do have our team over often, which is wonderful, but in Spain it is not normal to invite new friends into your home. Many Spaniards view homes as one's private intimate space. Last night we actually went into a Spaniard's home for the first time. They were very hospitable and kind, but anytime we suggest to a Spaniard to have them in our home, they usually look uncomfortable and suggest we go to a cafe'. The longer I'm here, the more I love about Spain, but I also find I miss certain things more. Even though it's different, I'm adjusting to life without a car, Taco Bell, Starbucks, or the sound of English on the streets!

Roller Coasta' of Love

I have to admit, there are days I don't want to be here, in Spain that is. Sometimes I think how easy and great it would be if we could just pack up our stuff again and go home. I think of all the reasons and possibilities that might require us to return to the States. Then there are days, usually the next day, when I feel like there is no way we are going home until we've done what we came here to do. Some days I'm so motivated to witness to others and tell them the Real reason we are here, to share the rescue device of the Gospel of Jesus. I've decided this is a roller coaster of love. Some days I am so in love with God I want to just sit alone and think on Him or sing to Him. When I'm in love with God, I can't help but love those around me. I can't help but see the emptiness in the eyes of the Spaniards here who don't know Him. I can't help but see the amazing gifts He's instilled in my team mates. The days I'm not so in love with Him, I've decided I'm in love with myself. I think about what's easiest for me, not necessarily what is best. I get frustrated that Spaniards don't want Him and that they believe crazy things like the Holy Spirit comes down every 22nd of December and goes into everyone. I focus on all the negative aspects of my team mates. Definitely a roller coaster of love. Learning a language, going to class with my husband and seven week old baby, and trying to know how to balance my husband, four year old and new baby do not help level out this roller coaster. Stability, not in my circumstances, but in my love for Him is what I need. If I truly love Him and seek Him through the Word and through pouring out my soul to Him in prayer, my love for Him will be more constant even if I'm in the middle of a whirlwind.

because he did

My husband just started a blog inviting people to follow him on a journey to read the Bible in a month...I know, he's crazy. I've thought about blogging off and on for a while, and now that he started one, I've decided to do my own simply because he did. :) His blog actually has a purpose and some action, whereas mine will simply be me. Usually I'm oober-sensitive to what people think, but I'm going to try as much as possible to be as real and un-reader sensitive as I can be. I do want people to truly know what my life is like here in Spain...the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you read our eNewsletters of Gain for Spain, which I usually write, you know a bit about us; however, I plan to be more personal and raw in these blogs. I know there are thousands of blogs out there, and no one may ever read 'ZERO on the left', but I'm looking forward to having a place to pour myself out.