Dad, here she is!

I've recently started doing my devotions with an online tool. If you want to check it out, the site is www.examen.me . I really like it because it gives me some structure with my reading, and it prompts me to do more than just read my passage, close my Bible, and then set it back in its place...usually at this time, I've already forgotten what I read. It provides a space to pray before reading, a place to read, write, summarize, or listen to the passage, a place to reflect on how God is reavealing Himself to me, then write a prayer to God based on what I read, and finally to write how I can adjust my attitudes, actions, or choices based on the passage. It probably isn't for everyone, but I've really enjoyed it as I've felt God's word become more real and go deeper into my heart. Today I read Colossians 1, and I really want to share with you something God showed me. Now I'm no Bible wiz, and if you read a commentary on this passage, I could be way off, but I think there is something here for me. Colossians 1:21-22 says this, "And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him." (ESV). The KJV uses the word unreproveable, which means "that cannont be called into account, unaccused" (Strong's), instead of 'above reproach'. Anyway, because of this new reading tool I'm using, I'm forced to meditate on what I read. For some reason these verses caught my eye. If I'm not mistaken, it is saying that Christ, through His death, has made us able to be presented to God the Father. It literally makes me think of a boy bringing home his future bride to present her to his dad. I can picture a young man walking through the door, holding it open for his love, a smile beaming from ear to ear and saying, "Dad, here she is. Isn't she amazing?!" That is what Christ has done for us! Not only does He want His Father to know us and meet us, but through His death we can stand before this perfect, possibly intimidating Father, and be completely blameless, holy, and any of our wrongs not even able to be called into acount. Because of Jesus we cannot be accused. Just for a second, think of the worst sin you have ever committed. Maybe it is something that you were so ashamed of and took quite some time to confess, repent, accept forgiveness and be freed from. Now, think about telling it to your dad. Picture yourself standing there in front of him, with your mouth open, just trying to find the words to tell this hideous deed. Right as you begin to speak, someone walks up and says, "you don't have to say anything, there's nothing to confess." Now, you might be thinking, Amy, of course we have to confess. Yes we do, but when we have accepted Christ and are in Him, we hold the position of the innocent. Paul didn't stutter when he said holy, blameless, and unreproveable. Jesus loves God so much that He was willing to die that hideous death and become my hideous sin and yours so He could present a bride to the Father that cannot be accused. If I were standing there in front of God with Jesus smiling as He presents me to His Father, I'm thinking I would start arguing like, "no, really, I've done some horrible things, I'm so not holy." Yet, somehow we can stand there without being ashamed. We can stand there in complete humility as Jesus glories in the fact that He reconciled this beautiful bride to the Father. Without Jesus' death and atonement, we would not be able to be presented to the Father at all. I don't know why this spoke to me so much today, but it did. I'm completely in awe that Jesus did this. I know He loves us, but I think He did it because He loves His Father. His ministry of reconciliation is ultimately to glorify His Father.

Plug

Some of you know my husband decided to read the Bible in a month. I am very proud of him for taking on this challenge. It's 40 chapters a day and usually takes him about an hour and forty-five minutes to read and then about another thirty minutes to reflect, summarize, and blog about it. He has received a ton of positive feedback and even had others choose to take on the Bible in a month challenge with him. Below is the link to his blog. If you become a 'follower' of his blog, you have a chance to win a free book! If you read his blog, please send him a note of encouragement. He's only half way through, and I know he would appreciate some 'cheers' as he presses on.

http://bibleinamonth.blogspot.com/

another year of firsts...already

As you know, last year was a year of firsts. Probably the most firsts we've had as a family in our life. First time moving to another country. First time putting our daughter in school. First time employed by the same company as my husband. First time having a baby in another country. First birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Year away from home. Lots of firsts in 2011. This year has already proven to be a year of firsts for me. A few of you may know that I have started exercising. On New Year's Day I was asking my team mate Brian, who used to be a personal trainer, for some work-out tips. Somehow the conversation ended with our team deciding to take on a 'biggest loser' challenge to see who could lose the most weight in three months. That night, we went home and cooked all the junk-food that was in our house...and ate it :) The days of truffles, pastries, multiple cups of cafe' con leche, bread with most meals, cheese, chorizo, and other spanish sausages are gone. We've been eating tons of veggies, fruits, fish, shrimp, and chicken. Along with the veggies, I've started running. For some of you, this may seem like no big deal, but for those of you who know me,well...you know me. I've never exercised regularly in my life. In fact, the last pair of tennis shoes I owned I found in the locker room in 7th grade! That was like 14 years ago! I'm proud to say, another first, I'm now the owner of some sweet pink Adidas running shoes. (see photo above) Now, don't get all excited because I only go two miles, and I alternate between walking and running. I have to confess though, the last couple times, I've actually enjoyed running! I know, I can't believe those words ever went through my mind let alone came out of my mouth. Each time it gets easier. Each time I can run farther, and each time I feel great for doing it. It's funny how amazing I feel after I run, but before I do it, nothing in me has a desire to get those pink shoes on and go outside in the 30 degree weather to...run. Today while I was running, I couldn't help but think how exercise is like prayer. Every time after I pray, I'm so glad I did. The times in my life when my prayer life has been most consistent have been the spiritual heights and the times I've been closest to God. Now, the thing with prayer is that it is hard work. You don't get credit for it. You don't get any sort of reward or praise, in fact, it takes up time, energy, and can strain you emotionally. Something in me seems to fight when I set out to pray; however, when I do, I experience some of the most amazing rewarding moments. It makes my spirit feel so refreshed. Like exercise, the more you pray, the easier it gets, and the more benefits you experience. The benefit of seeing God work in the lives around you. The benefit of knowing God on a more intimate level. The benefit of a growing faith as He proves Himself again and again. The benefit of an amazing hope as He becomes more real every day, and the benefit of dying to your own desires and giving in to what He has for you. Before I run, I have to die to myself who wants to sit inside in the warm house with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, but when I push through and run, all the effort is worth it.

as i draw near

There is something amazing about knowing God is at work in my life. Seven months ago, we came to Spain with no doubt or question as to if this was what we were supposed to do. We arrived encouraged and ready to take on the hardships we knew would be part of this journey. Somewhere along the road, I lost the pounding heartbeat that once pushed me to get rid of practically all my belongings, leave behind my family, church, and friends, and go to a completely unknown territory. Things gradually got more difficult with the language, lack of friends, and lack of corporal worship/church. In September, we enrolled our, at the time, three-year-old into a full-time, completely foreign school. In October, we brought our son into the world. My doctor spoke a decent amount of English, but as I sat in the operating room and they prepped me for my c-section, I was surrounded by only Spanish speakers. I guess that made it only natural for my first word to my son to be "hola". Justin was not allowed at all in the room either, so I did feel quite alone. I wish I could communicate the helpless feeling that I've so often felt because of my inability to communicate to Spaniards. Wether it's wanting to tell Evy's teacher that we are trying to help her adjust to a new country, school, brother, home, etc. or tell the lady at the fruit store to stop undermining our parental authority by giving Evy whatever she wants, there are times that words would be so useful. I've recently let all the hardships capture me and hold me in a place of frustration. I've allowed myself to dream about what life would be like if we went back to the States, and I've definitely been slacking in my time with God. This week, FINALLY, my attitude has started to change. I watched a sermon by Francis Chan recently, and it was like God gently grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward Himself. Francis talked about steadfastness. He said there are times when he is frustrated with hardships when really, God is trying to grow him, which is a time that can be accompanied with joy. I then realized that I had not been thankful for the hardships. I've just been frustrated with them and wishing my life we easier. Even though I've never said those words, that's how I've felt. However, since the first of January I have spent time in God's word and communing with Him every day. I can literally feel His Spirit growing in me and raising up when my flesh starts blabbing about being frustrated with these hardships. I know God is growing me and that He is reminding me of His perspective. He told us to come here because we have life-saving Words for the beautiful people here in Spain. I want to continue telling them about Jesus, and I'm praying for fruit. Please pray for me to keep my attitude aligned with His perspective. I know I could easily fall back into the defeated "sustaining-mode" mindset that I've had. As for now, I'm so grateful that God has gotten me through these seven months of my life and that He stretched me and brought me closer to Him through it.

Satisfaction

All my life I've struggled with something, and until the last year, I couldn't even understand it or put it into words. I've found the one word which describes it best is satisfaction. Some people would say I'm a people pleaser, so if you've had that said about you...listen up ;) Always I've desired to be liked by others. When I meet new people, I almost always walk away questioning their opinion of me or of something I said. A year ago, I realized that it doesn't matter if people don't like me. I don't mean that I can be a jerk and I don't care if I offend or make people upset. I do mean that if I am being me, seeking after the Lord, and have done all I can to honor and be peaceable with others, their response or opinion is not my responsibility. I had a conflict with a close friend once where I was in the wrong. I apologized and admited my fault, but the friend was still mad at me...for a while. It killed me! I wanted to make her happy with me and like me. Then I realized that I'd done all I could. I realized I was right before God even if my friend was still upset. This realization was extremely liberating at the time. Now, even though I've pin-pointed this psychological process, I haven't overcome it. I still struggle with it daily, but it helps so much that I've identified it and can see it when it starts to creep its ugly head up. The more I think about it, the more I realize I've always searched for satisfaction from others. I can't tell you the times I've analyzed over and over what I said to someone wondering what they thought about it. I'm learning that I can be completely satisfied in Christ even if the whole world hates what I do or how I do it. (I'm not trying to rant about some person or situation...I'm not in a fight or anything with anyone, and I don't feel like the whole world hates me). Psalm 17:15 says "As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness." When I wake up, before I've received approval from anyone, I can be satisfied because God likes me. Even though I mess up all the time, He always likes me. The longer I'm a parent, I understand God's fatherly love more. My kids could disobey, hate me, or whatever, but I'd never love them less. I don't understand how He, a perfect Father, does it, but He does. He loves us no matter what. This year, I'm going to try to find my satisfaction in that. My name, Amy, means 'beloved', and I've always thought of it before that it means I'm easily liked by others, but this isn't true. I am beloved by Him, and that my friends is the ultimate satisfaction.