feeling far away

Wow. This week I am experiencing a new kind of element to living overseas. I got an email early this week from my sister telling me to call her no matter what the time. Immediately, I wondered if something was wrong. As soon as I got it, I called. I found out that my mom had gone to urgent care for a sinus infection, told the doctor about some pain in her side, and ended up at the hospital with the diagnosis of a possible heart-attack. After an ultrasound and an angiogram, the results were not the best. She has several blockages, and they are going to do bypass surgery on Friday. Because of some previous conditions, their is extra concern and precautions being taken for of the surgery. She seems to be doing well, but is obviously scared. Her words were, "anyone who says they aren't scared would be lying."
Right now, I am definitely feeling far away. I wish I could be there to encourage her, make her laugh, and just hug her before she goes through those doors for this surgery. Even though it is considered routine, it is extensive. I feel helpless and just plan far away. Since I'd lived in the same state as most of my family my whole life, this is brand new territory. I can feel my heart getting heavier for my mom as her surgery approaches. I trust that she will be ok, and I know God is there with her always even if I cannot be, but it still sucks. I really just wish I could be there for her. She has always been and still is SO amazing. Anytime my siblings or I have ever needed help, she is the first to offer. I know if I were in the hospital, she would be right there with me, and I wish right now, I could give that to her.
Please pray for God to steady her heart, physically and spiritually! Pray for her to have full confidence that she is in the hand of the One who also holds the universe. Pray for strength for my brother, sister, and grandma who live in Springfield and are spending time at the hospital and helping out. Pray for me and my other sister, who lives in The Philipines, as we both wish so badly we could be there with them. Pray for the doctors and nurses to have wisdom and precision.
This is really a difficult time all around for my family. As I continue in Spain with my own family, language, and work, my mind is on my mom. I'm asking God to help me have the strength I need personally to do what I need to do here. Thank you SO much for taking time to read this, and please, even if it's before you leave this page, pray!

sometimes we need reminded

For those days when I wondered if God could really use us here in Valladolid or if maybe He made a mistake in bringing us here...usually days of walking in my flesh...there are amazing landmarks which ground me. In the old testament, God often had the Israelites set up piles of stones or other things to make landmarks when something significant happened, really when God did something amazing. In a Christian's life, there should also be these landmarks. Think of your own life. I bet if you think about it even for a couple seconds a few key moments or situations pop in your head of when God did something amazing in your life. It may have been a tragic or magnificent event. I have several to call my own, and a lot of them are placed steadily along the road that brought us to Spain. The first day I heard God telling us to pursue missions full-time was during a church service in my home church. Although I, and Justin, had always been open to missions, that day, I felt the Holy Spirit pressing me, saying, you can and will do this. Honestly, it excited me and freaked me out. I decided not to tell Justin. Instead I asked God to press the same thing on Justin if this is really what He wanted us to do. About two weeks later, as Justin & I sat in our living room, he told me he thought we should do missions. Of course, I freaked out, questioned him profusely, and then told him that I had felt the same thing and asked God to make it clear to us both if it were truly His desire. So, immediately we started praying and asking God to show us when, where, and with whom we should go. A few months later, the doors started to open for us to go to Spain through Avant. I can remember times during team skype calls just crying and begging God to get us to Spain to tell the people there about Jesus. I also remember the overwhelming joy when we got the 'go ahead' from Avant to purchase our plane tickets. We had waited and prayed diligently to hear this. We were thrilled to think in just a month from their approval, we would be on Spanish soil. These are the moments that God brings to my memory when I feel like we can't be here. When I feel like no one is going to listen to some American, stumbling her way through Spanish, sounding like a baby, telling them they need Jesus, God reminds me that He brought us here. He is fully capable of using our meager efforts to give forth the Words of Life to bring salvation, fruit, and ultimately a growing body of Spanish believers. Next time you start questioning God, wondering where He is or if you are where He wants you, look over your shoulder at all the landmarks. Landmarks of provision, confirmation, and growth. If you were unsure before, take comfort that God has worked amazingly in your life and is leading you right down the path He desires for you.