as i draw near

There is something amazing about knowing God is at work in my life. Seven months ago, we came to Spain with no doubt or question as to if this was what we were supposed to do. We arrived encouraged and ready to take on the hardships we knew would be part of this journey. Somewhere along the road, I lost the pounding heartbeat that once pushed me to get rid of practically all my belongings, leave behind my family, church, and friends, and go to a completely unknown territory. Things gradually got more difficult with the language, lack of friends, and lack of corporal worship/church. In September, we enrolled our, at the time, three-year-old into a full-time, completely foreign school. In October, we brought our son into the world. My doctor spoke a decent amount of English, but as I sat in the operating room and they prepped me for my c-section, I was surrounded by only Spanish speakers. I guess that made it only natural for my first word to my son to be "hola". Justin was not allowed at all in the room either, so I did feel quite alone. I wish I could communicate the helpless feeling that I've so often felt because of my inability to communicate to Spaniards. Wether it's wanting to tell Evy's teacher that we are trying to help her adjust to a new country, school, brother, home, etc. or tell the lady at the fruit store to stop undermining our parental authority by giving Evy whatever she wants, there are times that words would be so useful. I've recently let all the hardships capture me and hold me in a place of frustration. I've allowed myself to dream about what life would be like if we went back to the States, and I've definitely been slacking in my time with God. This week, FINALLY, my attitude has started to change. I watched a sermon by Francis Chan recently, and it was like God gently grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward Himself. Francis talked about steadfastness. He said there are times when he is frustrated with hardships when really, God is trying to grow him, which is a time that can be accompanied with joy. I then realized that I had not been thankful for the hardships. I've just been frustrated with them and wishing my life we easier. Even though I've never said those words, that's how I've felt. However, since the first of January I have spent time in God's word and communing with Him every day. I can literally feel His Spirit growing in me and raising up when my flesh starts blabbing about being frustrated with these hardships. I know God is growing me and that He is reminding me of His perspective. He told us to come here because we have life-saving Words for the beautiful people here in Spain. I want to continue telling them about Jesus, and I'm praying for fruit. Please pray for me to keep my attitude aligned with His perspective. I know I could easily fall back into the defeated "sustaining-mode" mindset that I've had. As for now, I'm so grateful that God has gotten me through these seven months of my life and that He stretched me and brought me closer to Him through it.